The Mind and the Mirror: An Introductory Guide to Yourself

You are who you are.  Five words, three letters each.  A seemingly simple statement — almost tautological to the point of meaninglessness — yet, examined carefully, we can find surprising depth to what it says and, especially, what it does not say.  Like the equation 1 = 1, it says exactly what it needs to by being so oversimplified and direct as to only contain the axiomatic truth.  Ultimately, this is the only definition of self that matters — the only mirror that holds any real meaning.

You are who you are now, not who you were nor who you will be.

The first thing to know is that you can change.  Who you are right now is crystallized by the reality of the moment, but the moment by definition passes instantly, and the present remains a constant progression, defying crystallization.  The past may be solidified into the course of causality, but we have no reason to repeat it moving forward.  We can change, and the only reasons not to — from laziness to tradition — are just excuses we tell ourselves, illusions generated for our immediate, shortsighted benefit.  Moreover, because the past is irreversibly fossilized, we should not dwell on our past failures.  Certainly we could and should try to rectify the consequences of our mistakes, learn from these mistakes, but regretting them only shifts our focus away from the future we yet can change toward the past we cannot.

This is not to say that our past is completely independent of us, only that the past, like ourselves, is what it is — the path that has brought us to where we are but not a path we are committed to following further.  Like Shuzan's staff and the reality it exists in, our present and past are both connected together and each separately what they are.  To deny the context that the past is the past and the present, the present is an obvious fallacy, but to deny the flow from present to past is just as fallacious.  We need not therein deny our mistakes, we only need not regret them.

To continue to grow, we cannot abandon our roots, but remember: our roots are there to provide strength as we grow outward, holding us steady and nurturing our furthest branches as they extend, reaching to ever greater heights. They are the foundation for a tower, not the anchor for a ship.

Moreover, whatever mistakes we have made will not be our last.  Even at our best, error is inevitable.  We are each only a small part of the universe, and since science has yet to discover a way to represent a comprehensive knowledge of the entirety of everything in the universe from quark to quasar within anything smaller than the universe itself, our knowledge is inherently incomplete.  Even if we were somehow infallible agents in utilization of our knowledge, we would nevertheless be subject to the inherent limits of our knowledge.

St. Augustine argued "Sum si fallor": "I am because I err" — a philosophical grandfather of Rene Descartes' "Cogito ergo sum".  However, it is just as true to say "I err because I am."

Yet the fact that failure is inevitable is not reason to either dread the future or withdraw from acting.  Instead, accepting the inevitability of failure grants freedom for experimentation — we should avoid making mistakes and lay in place safety nets for when we do make them, but we need not avoid exploring the unknown because of the mere possibility of making a mistake; inaction can often be a bigger mistake than any we make by acting.  Additionally, true experimentation is performed without bias towards results, allowing the truth to speak for itself.  Error, being the disparity between intention and result, is negated if we allow for whatever result comes our way.  So, go out and try new things.  We are at some point going to fail whether or not we experiment, so we might as well get something out of it.
 

Sorry, Yoda, but there is "try".

The Zen-inspired aesthetic of wabi-sabi maintains as one of its core creeds the idea that perfection is impossible, and imperfection makes things (and even people) approachable and relatable, gives room to grow, and removes unrealistic expectations of perfection.  Error is inevitable, and perfection is further impossible because so many skills that we could try to perfect have no upper limit, but instead offer a continued journey beyond any claims of mastery.  To expect perfection of ourselves, therefore, is ego — either the belief that we are perfect, even though we are not, or the belief that we should be perfect, despite its impossibility.  Moreover, expecting ourselves to be either perfect or even better than we are is to ignore our path for growth, failing to start the journey because we believe we should already be at the destination.
Moreover, rigidly defining the outcomes we desire distracts us seeing the beneficial outcomes we could not have predicted (being fallible beings and all).  The chaos of our lives is best worked with and, if need be, redirected, instead of struggled against.  Pleasant surprises and beneficial opportunities are plenty if we open ourselves to them.  The idea that perfection is something we can achieve is only slightly more fallacious than the idea that perfection is something we, with our limited knowledge, can define.

Yet simply because we are certain to err and should not regret our errors does not mean we are free to carelessly charge through life.  We are not free of the consequences of our errors — even errors beyond our knowledge or control — but we can free ourselves from self-imposed consequences, such as guilt and regret, so that we can better focus on avoiding errors in the future.  We should feel free to experiment, but we should be prepared to accept whatever happens when we do.  We should not dread error, but neither should we ignore it when it happens.  Cleaning up after ourselves should be as much an inevitability as making messes.

Another cultural artifact that spawned from Zen ideals is the Daruma doll — a hollow doll designed to resemble the founder of Zen, Bodhidharma ("Dharma" becoming "Daruma" in Japanese).  According to one tradition, the doll is bought with both of its eyes plain white.  The owner paints one pupil upon acquisition of the doll, and decides a goal to pursue.  Only upon completing the goal does the owner paint the other eye.

One-eyed Daruma doll, awaiting completion of a goal so that it can be completed itself.

We all have our own one-eyed Darumas — unfinished projects and unachieved goals.  The important thing is to remember the ideals tied to the Daruma: it is not about reminding us of what we have failed to do, but what we have yet to do and therein what we are going to do.  Moreover, according to this tradition, Daruma are acquired once a year, meaning that each goal we accomplish (or not) is part of a progression.  And much like the past and present, we need not argue whether it's about the destination or the journey, because even destinations require journeys, and every journey is just a series of destinations.

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You are only who you are, no more, no less. 

Just as we should not waste our time, focus, and effort dwelling on past reflections of ourselves or things we have yet to achieve, we should not regret anything we are not.  All our grief comes from the disparity between what we believe should be and what is.  Certainly, this blog talks a lot about what should be — the human capacity for considering hypotheticals is among our greatest cognitive capabilities; to deny ourselves this tool would be a great injustice.  Hypotheticals, though, are to be pursued, not simply expected.  First we paint one eye of the Daruma, then hopefully, later, the other.

We need not abandon our capacity for creating hypotheticals and illusions, but just as we keep in mind that we are what we are, we need to remain aware of the fact that the illusions are simply illusions (the tool of acknowledging things for exactly what they are remains ever useful).  Grief arises because not that we perceive alternative possibilities and realities, but because we believe that those are the ones that should exist presently, confusing the boundary between our illusions and our reality.  Disparaging ourselves or each other for what we are or are not is simply clinging to illusions over reality.  Moreover, we should avoid replacing illusions with other illusions, as is so often the case: We tell ourselves that we are not too fat, but instead we are beautiful, and in the process forget that what we are rallying against is the emphasis on body image to either end so that we can instead focus on quality of character or health.

Acknowledging something for what it is, like a good mirror, shows only what is there.

Contrarily, it can be just as dangerous to define ourselves by things we actually are if we do not define ourselves wholly, and creating complete definitions of ourselves is an insurmountable task, ignoring our subtleties and dynamics.  As such, there is no need for any of us to define ourselves infallibly and fit everything we are into tiny, neatly organized boxes.  By announcing that we always do one thing or never do another without underlying reason, we limit ourselves to our present reality, preventing growth in new directions.  Such guidelines can be useful for maintaining beneficial behaviors, but, as all else, we must remember them for what they are and not mistake them for immutable facts.

The idea that we need to search for ourselves seems to lead us away from ourselves.  The self is what is left when all the illusions are stripped away — those created by ourselves, those created by others around us, and those created by society.  The self is the part that simply is.  It is not defined, invented, or created by ourselves or others.  It is defined by what we actually are.  In that sense, Yoda was right.  We do not need to try to be ourselves, we need simply allow ourselves to be.

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You are who you are, no one else.

Just as we should not compare ourselves to others, despairing over who or what we are not, we should also acknowledge that we are each only one person.  As simple as the equation 1 = 1 is, it is just as simple to understand that 1 ≠ 2.  We cannot each do more than one person, and so we should not expect ourselves to.  We cannot do everything, and to not allow others to help in our endeavors is ego, ultimately limiting both our own potential and that of those we could be sharing our efforts with.  Trying to do for others is definitely good, but trying to do more than we are able — even if not everything — for others is at its core selfish.

There is a common fallacy that not needing help is a sufficient dismissal of an offer of help.  Simply because we can be — and, in many cases, should be capable of being — self-sufficient does not mean we should deny ourselves or others the opportunity to do more through cooperation.  As is a recurring theme in this blog, the universe is full of emergent phenomena, and likewise our efforts combine with others to produce more than the sum of its parts.

Moreover, we should avoid competition whenever possible.  Certainly, competition can drive progress, but if that is the only motivator, then when either a clear victor arises or a stalemate is reached, progress is also stunted.  Given that we live in an era of abundance, we are typically competing for resources we could be cooperating over and for, increasing the wealth for everyone, and there are far better motivators for progress.

When playing guitar, we should not worry about which hand is better than the other, but what they can do when they work together.

Surely, there are tasks that can only be performed by one person, and other situations where adding another person to help is inefficient if not infeasible — there simply is not room in the kitchen for another person, or the amount of time and effort it would take to explain a project to catch someone new up would not be returned in the benefits they bring to it.  This, though, is not carte blanche to refuse help.  We should simply be mindful of the nature of help for what it is, and offer it and accept it freely to the best of our abilities.

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You are where you are.

"You are here" — a seemingly less useful statement when not on a map.

The places we find ourselves and the situations we encounter there are just what they are.  They do not define us.  Moreover, they do not control us.  Yet neither do we control them.  We may influence our situation, but only in as much as one person can.  Although we can try to effect particular outcomes, we may not always succeed.  We need not despair when things do not go how we want them; the universe will do what it does regardless of how we feel, and thus it is our desires we should reconsider.

To blame our own actions — or even emotions — on external factors is to give up control over the one thing we do control: ourselves.  Even if we do find ourselves victims, whether simply of circumstance or the ill-intent of others, simply declaring our victimhood does little to rectify it.  Moreover, we cannot invariably expect others to rectify our problems for us, even those they cause.  Certainly there are those who err unknowingly, and bring the problem to their attention will lead them to correct their path.  Yet there are plenty of others who will either err knowingly or neglect to correct their path once informed of the error, and to continue to simply shout accusations and shake fists is a futile endeavor.

Yet just as there is no problem with seeking change internally so long as we do not disparage ourselves for having not already achieved it, there is no problem for seeking external change in the same way.  Whether changing our environment or traveling to a completely different environment, we are free to improve our situation as long as we remain mindful — mindful that the destination is not where we should be now but where we seek to be in the future, mindful that our environment does not control our emotions, mindful that our journey is only partly in our control, and mindful that if we improve our situation at the expense of others we ultimately limit our own potential.

Most of all, we need to remember that the one thing in the world we do control is ourselves.  If we hope to achieve anything in the world beyond ourselves, we can only do this through the self.  As such, if we hope to better our ability to achieve anything, this is done through the betterment of the self.  If things go wrong, it may be because of things beyond our control.  Yet we do still control ourselves, and we therein must remember that all influence we have on the world is through ourselves.  If we lose control of ourselves, we have nothing left.  However, this is not a point we should grieve; understanding what we can and, moreover, cannot influence underlies our ability to enact whatever influence we do have.  If we understand our abilities, then we can use them; if we do not understand our limitations, we will overstep and falter.  If we understand both, we can be at our best.

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So go forth and be yourself.  Change yourself if you desire and are able, but do not despair if you cannot.  Better yourself.  Help others, and accept their help.  Ask for help sometimes.  Make mistakes and clean up after them.  Experiment.  Be open to the unexpected.  Above all else, remember to consider things as they are.